intro – I changed everything in the fist sentence . I need to make changes to all parts of the opening t allow more interest. i think the changes allowed people to understand more about the essay. I think the essay needed more conciseness in the beginning and the evidence.
Evidence- i used lots of new evidence to make stronger points in between causes. this makes the essay seem more strengthen. one is the 4th paragraph i needed a quote explaining more about the discourse the need of the task so i intend took a part of Hass to better engrave the perspective that i needed. this made the flow better as it makes the connection more tangible
Reorganization – i did move dome paragraphs around even inverted the sentences making the each one better flow through the text. Most of the quotes i used needed to be replaced or just change in meaning causing a new point and connection some claims that i moved around was the one where i did not do a good job explain some or the Nair and Nair clams meaning i needed to get new ones or just reward the meaning
New paragraph – the paper seems to be longer as the points need more clarification on there perspective and the meaning behind them. one new paragraph is the conclusion that was scraped due to the main point needing to be changes and reworded completely. i would also argue the most of the paper was rewritten for the thesis change form the beginning.
